Ode
to My Exes
 I
feel incredibly blessed to have spent my daughter's high school
graduation with all the most important men in my life, including
my son, father, both of my ex-husbands, and an ex-boyfriend.
Everyone
was extremely generous in allowing each other to just be who they
are, without ramifications or judgments, all putting aside their
own issues for the sake of this beautiful young woman. I sat there
counting my blessings and took great joy in recognizing the differences
in each person. One has a huge heart; three are very intelligent;
another has unconditional love for all of us. We laughed and laughed.
We worked well together in preparing meals and cleaning up afterwards.
Oh
did I mention, they all stayed at my house?
Of
course, there was some competition, especially during game time
and bowling. We recognized which parent our children got their issues
from, like my daughter's unhappiness when she does not win comes
from her father's side, and her outspokenness comes from my side.
My son definitely has his father's sense of humor. I have my father's
passion for food.
These
are some things that are rarely discussed with the child's other
parent when there is a divorce. Who gets to have "family" photos
taken after divorces? Who gets to spend 2 or 3 days with their ex-spouses
years after a divorce?
These
joys come to people who truly forgive. Yes, these are the blessings
of forgiveness.
I
write about this because it breaks my heart to see so many people
holding onto anger and resentment about a spouse. My book, Transcending
Divorce, has a whole chapter on how to forgive your ex,
and I have a 40 minute mp3 with a forgiveness exercise on it. Ultimately,
you will learn, there is nothing really to forgive, that we were
all playing our little roles, and that there is no right or wrong,
it is merely the illusion of our thinking leads us to believe in
this right/wrong dichotomy.
My
recommendation? Give your children the gift of both parents who
love them. They don't benefit by your anger or resentment towards
their parent. Allow them to experience special days, graduations,
birthdays, marriages, births, with both parents who love them. Be
the loving, accepting, non-judgmental parent. That is what this
Step Up newsletter is all about... take that leap of faith. And
if you need help with that, let me know how I can be of service
to you.
Blessings
to you... Lori
Feel
free to e-mail your comments to lori@attorney-coach.com.
I am very interested to hear what you have to say!
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