Divorced
But Still Living Together
By
Lori Rubenstein, JD, CPC
Divorce Mediator and Life Coach
© 2009
My
husband and I divorced 6 months ago. But we are still living together
because neither of us can afford to move out from our home. It's
the one marital asset that we are hanging on to since we can't sell
it and make enough to pay off our sizable mortgage.
We've
had many financial setbacks this year. I'm currently looking for
work having been downsized from a previous position in the financial
services industry and his job is on shaky ground at best. Due to
finances, we're still together, yet we want to be apart. We have
2 kids who are pre-teens. Things are tense, we still argue and now
I think we even have more resentment of each other because of being
with each other and feeling trapped.
We
want to move on with our lives. I want to go out and start dating
again. We were separated for a year before the official divorce
but still living together then as well.
How
can we move on with our lives when we're both still very much in
each other's lives? I know he wants to date as much as I do, but
it really isn't possible since we're all still in the same home.
Try explaining that to someone you might want to date.
How
can we create a better atmosphere between us and our kids when we're
all still in this together? And what do you think about dating?
I need to move on. I want to be in a relationship. I don't know
how to do that given these circumstances. Any thoughts?
Rachel
from Reston
Dear
Rachel,
Honestly,
you are not in a position to date. You are right, it would be too
confusing for all family members involved, and your primary goal
right now is to find a job.
I'm
hearing you are looking to date to help you move on. Moving on is
an inside job. This is a great opportunity for you to make sure
you are ready to date. That is, have you taken responsibility for
your part in the break up of the marriage, have you forgiven both
him and yourself, are YOU the best person you can possibly be given
the situation?
Do
you believe everything happens for a reason? Looking at the big
picture, you are in this tough financial situation, having to stay
dependent on your ex-husband. Why do you think that is? Can you
ask on a spiritual level what it is you need to know or learn from
this situation? How can you be even more loving on a regular basis?
How can you be an even better Mom? Focus on these things and everything
else - including dating and moving out on your own - will fall into
place.
Back
to the main Articles page
Dare
to Transcend through your divorce
with Lori Rubenstein as your Divorce Coach
|
