Moving
From Intention to the Creation of a "Conscious Relationship"
By
Lori Rubenstein, JD, CPC
© 2006
I
hear single people say they are sick and tired of being alone and
want a real relationship. What is a "real relationship" and why
do you want one?
What
are the benefits of having a real relationship? It's one thing to
have the intention and desire to have one, but what does it mean
for you? It is helpful to know the whys - the "meat and potatoes"
of why a "real relationship" resonates with you. When we make intentions,
we often forget that the motivation behind the energy of the intention
is extremely important too.
I
want to share an example about motivation from my own life. I have
been saying for 1 1/2 years that I want to lose 20 pounds. I go
to the gym regularly and often bypass ice cream, scones, cookies,
and other tempting foods. However, I haven't lost any weight.
This
week, for the first time, I stuck 100% to a diet where I forgo all
flour products, sugar, rice and potatoes. I lost 2 1/2 pounds! I
am thrilled with not only the outcome, but that I went through this
process with newfound strength. As a result, I've gained some self-esteem
and integrity. How did this happen?
I
have a financial wealth manager friend who I met with to discuss
my portfolio and where I want to be 10 years from now. With his
assistance, I was able to paint a picture of what success looks
like for me. The goal was to move me away from short-term thinking
to long-term results. I was clear that I want the whole enchilada.
I want to be out of the rat race and have investments working for
me, a great healthy body, and a relationship where we love, adore,
respect and support one another.
How
does this relate to relationship creating? Well, I realized some
important things. The most vital thing I learned was MY WHY. As
a single mom, I am ultimately the only one my children can rely
on. They feel very unsteady when I say "I can't afford that". The
truth is that I too feel very unstable not having reached my goal,
my comfort zone of at least 6 months liquid cash savings in case
of an emergency.
What
did I do? I took back control over my situation. First, I needed
to clear out my mind, body and home. My body and home represents
what is happening with my finances over the last year... and that
feels chaotic. Second, the WHY is extremely important to me. I feel
out of control when my finances are out of control and, being a
Scorpio, well let me just say; control is an important aspect of
my personality. (Yes, I do realize I have zero control and that
when I tell God my plans, she laughs with me!)
When
I set my intention to take back some control over my life this last
week, I cleaned my office, cleaned my refrigerator, wrote a meal
plan, and went grocery shopping with the meal plan. I even stuck
to my diet! The results? I lost weight, I signed papers on a new
rental house, I earned over $1,000 in one day, and I began to see
and envision stepping into my future. I see myself leading group
seminars, writing books, traveling and teaching. I really feel proud
of myself, like the world is mine again.
What
universal laws are being played out here? What comes around goes
around? The Power of Intention? The Law of Attraction?
Clearing
out the clutter leads to clarity. The clearance allows room in your
life for your dreams and desires to enter. Once the clutter is cleared,
your dreams have space to enter and you can welcome them in.
So,
we are back to relationships - your relationship to be exact.
What
clutter is standing in the way of your clarity?
How
are you going to deal with it?
If
you are single and want a relationship, get clear about why you
want this relationship. Not just your intentions, not just visualizing
it, but you have to have a good enough reason for wanting it! Something
that makes you drool with desire.
Is
a relationship really a TOP PRIORITY for you? Notice and write down
what you spend your time and energy on. The things you spend most
time on really are your top priorities. Is this life one of your
choosing? If not, get clear about your new top priority and change
your daily actions to move you forward in the direction of your
choices.
When
you get clear about a relationship being your top priority, all
the excuses about not working on yourself will fade away. Suddenly,
you will find plenty of time for that self-help book, money for
classes or coaching, paying attention to your clothes, going out
on a Friday night rather than vegetating at home, and you will find
the courage to go up to talk to people you do not know. Remember,
you need to become the person who will attract your dream mate,
so start with yourself, set your intention, clear the clutter that
has been in your way, know your WHY, take control, and direct your
focus on your top priority, finding a conscious relationship.
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